You are in your late 30’s to mid 40’s and you wake up at 2am one morning questioning your very existence. Your thoughts run riot in your head, and you keep asking the questions; “Who am I?”. Kids’ are almost, or are out of the house, you’ve suddenly lost your identity.
You are not alone, one of the biggest most challenging parts of going into perimenopause and right through to post menopause, is the constant ‘less than’ feeling, the low self esteem, the no confidence, it can be debilitating.
Your hormone fluctuations, sometimes quite drastic and unexpected changes to your body, suddenly being an ‘empty nester’, the dreaded brain fog and the societal belief that midlife women are invisible are all major driving forces behind why you feel the way you do.
Been there, done that! And I have your back! By the time you finish reading this article I will have given you concrete, actionable steps to take to get your Mojo back and have you feeling even better than your ‘old’ self. It’s not about becoming who you were, it’s about embracing who you are now and even becoming a better YOU!
From ‘Decline’ to ‘Reinvention’
Midlife isn’t an ending, it’s a pivot point. Think of it as a second chance at being 20 again, but with wisdom and ‘adult money’. Starting simply with things like your posture and body language. Did you know that having good posture and standing tall has an effect on your cortisol levels which helps with mood stability, it improves oxygen flow and circulation which helps with energy and mental clarity. Adopting ‘power poses’ sends a signal of capability which reinforces the feeling of self-worth and reduces anxiety. So, no more slouching!
Trying new things is also a wonderful way to boost self-confidence by proving to yourself that you are capable of growth, adaptability and courage. Each new experience, whether it’s learning a new skill, meeting new people, or stepping outside your comfort zone, send a powerful message to your brain: “I can handle change”. This builds self-confidence, expands your identity beyond your past roles, and reignites curiosity. All the things you need to feel vibrant, empowered and confident.
From ‘Fixing’ to ‘Honoring’
Remember ‘you are not broken’, you do not need to fixed. You need to honor your body and your mind, honor it for carrying you through your life thus far.
Daily Affirmations are a good way to shift your mindset from self-criticism to self-compassion. During our midlife we feel the pressure to ‘fix’ all our perceived flaws. Instead of focusing on what we think is wrong, affirmations help you honor your body and mind for what they ‘are’ and what they’ve carried you through. Repeating phrases like ‘I trust my body’s wisdom’ or ‘I am worthy just as I am’ rewires your brain to recognize strength, resilience and beauty in the present moment. Daily affirmations nurture acceptance, reduce shame and build a foundation of self-respect. Time to turn your inner dialogue into a source of healing rather than judgement.
From ‘External Validation’ to ‘Internal Anchoring’
As we fall deeper into the Meno-Hell, we have this tendency to seek external validation more often than before. Because we have the feeling of ‘who am I, nobody sees me’, seeking attention as a way of finding our space, trying to be seen. We don’t need to look for the external validation, we need to remember how confident, strong and capable we are, we define our own metric for success, not society.
Small things like dressing in a way that makes you feel great and not what you think society expects of you as a mid-life woman, brings joy and definitely is a wonderful boost to your confidence. We can look stylish, pretty, whimsical, chic, healthy and exotic in our 40’s and 50’s, don’t let anyone tell you anything different.
Learning new things is a great way to reinforce that internal anchoring, and boost self-confidence by reigniting your curiosity and reinforcing a sense of personal growth and relevance. It will help you shift your identity past roles to present possibilities, empowering you to feel capable, engaged and proud of how you are evolving. Learning new things reminds you that growth does not stop at 40, 50 or 60. Its a way of saying “I’m still becoming”, that mindset alone can radically transform how you feel about yourself.
Learning fuels confidence in midlife by:
- Reinforcing self-efficacy
- Breaking limiting beliefs
- Stimulating brain health
- Expanding your identity beyond past roles
- Creating a sense of accomplishment
From ‘Perfection’ to ‘Presence’
I know as a midlife woman we have this constant little voice in our heads that tell us that we are ‘not enough’, and as a result of this we are constantly trying to be perfect, where our self-worth hinges on being flawless all the time. This is so tiring, mentally draining and totally unrealistic at the best of times.
Letting go of perfection and choosing to be present builds confidence, by shifting your focus from fear of failure to trust in your ability to handle the moment. When you anchor yourself in the present, you stop measuring your worth by unrealistic standards and start valuing your resilience and authenticity.
A great way to bring yourself into the present and away from the thoughts of regret, worries and self-criticism is Gratitude Journaling. The act of intentionally focusing on what is good RIGHT NOW, a kind gesture, a moment of calm, feeling strong, will train your brain to notice the here and now. This rewires the brain from scarcity to abundance, reducing your anxiety and boosting your self-worth. Try a daily practice of writing down 3 things you are grateful for, they can be as insignificant as a great cup of coffee, to feeling strong and energized for the day, to your family. Give it a try for a week and see how you feel.
From ‘Alone’ to ‘Connected’
As an introvert myself, I have become in a sense my own worst enemy, I have spent many years suffering by myself. But as I get deeper into the menopause journey I realize that connections with other women that are where I am in my journey would have made things so much easier, so much less confusing and just generally happier. Why you may ask, I think having a community of like minded women that are also going through the uncertainty and confusion of this time of life that you can share your journey with, tell stories, give or get advice from, would be invaluable. It’s one of the reasons that I started this Blog and my social media presence.
Our mothers were the generation that had to just suffer in silence. They were told, it’s part of life, you need to deal with it, ‘suck it up buttercup’, they then resorted to alcohol and anti-depressants and become shadows of their former self’s. Well, I call BS, it’s 2025, and we know that we don’t have to suffer in silence. We need to get together and speak about what we are going through, normalize the experience and reduce the shame, help each other navigate what is the best time of our lives.
I Dare You!
I dare you to spend the next 7 days doing small things that will remind you of your self worth and courage. Try things like:
- Doing morning affirmations
- Walking with your shoulder back and head held high
- Daily Gratitude Journaling
- Learning new things
- Wearing the clothes that make you feel great
- Celebrating small wins
Conclusion
Remember that you are enough, you are stronger than you think, and you can do anything you set your mind to. Do not ever fall into the trap of allowing that little voice to bring you down. Yes, you are getting older but now is the time to embrace the wisdom, the experience, the next 30, 40 years of your life and make them the most productive, creative and empowering years ever. Your time is NOW!!
